Two orange tabbies of the same age. One files, one approves. Between them
they have never once concluded that dinner was on time.
§ 01
Executive profiles
Tiger
Tiger
Chief Complaints Officer
Responsible for identifying, logging and escalating every shortfall in
household service. Files early and files often. Has never withdrawn a
complaint and does not accept that a matter can be closed by anyone
other than himself.
Open items: dinner timing, door position, the volume at
which staff conduct conversations during meals.
Garfield
Garfield
Vice President, Approvals
Reviews what Tiger files and approves most of it. Disputes the facts
when it suits him and has twice reopened a matter after signing it off.
Attends every meeting concerning dinner and no others.
Open items: portion sizes, the temperature of the
radiator, an unresolved question about the box from July.
§ 02
Reporting structure
The Board Tiger & Garfield
Complaints Filing & escalation
Approvals Review & dispute
Household staff One human · under review
Catering Same human · chronically late
§ 03
Note on photography
Management are two orange tabbies of the same age, and a photograph does
not arrive with a name attached to it. The portraits above are identified
because somebody who was in the room confirmed them — the first version of
this page had them the wrong way round, which is the entire reason the rule
exists. Group photographs are not attributed at all. Neither party has
agreed to wear a badge and the matter is not expected to progress.
§ 04
In the field
Watch them work
Every meeting, complaint and formal grievance is on file.